Quality OR Quantity 2

I appreciate the tension the topic of Quality/Quantity brings with it.

Each one of us will process with our own immediate context to filter the concepts of Q/Q through, and for many of us this stirs up frustration and the like. We assume that only a dreamer can have it both ways, an idealist out of touch with reality (Gwyneth P. syndrome I suppose). That the author is unaware of what he is really saying. I am a fool, that I can testify to and yet I believe this is a conversation worth processing.

Let's do two things to help make this idea of living on mission with your framily (not the Sprint plan), through the lens of Quality/Quantity, more palatable.

1. Let's put some spiritually set-apart meat on this (awkward phrase but you can roll with it). In the last post we noted Deuteronomy 6:4-9. Read it again and highlight the key spaces God decrees (:1) that we walk in with our families (both immediate and extended as we move into the greater family plan according the Jesus and His Church).

He highlights this call to 'Love the Lord your God' repeatedly (7:12, 8:6, 10:12-22, 11:1-32 etc).

Not only does he cover every moment of the day (Quantity) but the LORD notes that this time is spent enjoying Him with those dearest to us (Quality).

We see this graphically displayed in the NT in both Acts 2 & 4. I know, I know, I know...this 2014 and that type of giving and receiving and sharing in life together is nonsense here in the Western world you and I thrive in. But what if the principle is the same even if the physical isn't?

What if the principle of sharing in life together in such overwhelming ways is the same? I spend time with your kids when you're at work because we're family. You spend time with my wife (ahem, ladies) when I'm gone in order to share in the journey of life. That we walk together at sun-up. We share stories of Jesus in passing and in sitting. Over coffee and in the moment we regard both Quantity and Quality as equal infusers in our lives on mission (and by the way, on mission is simply another way of saying intentionally, purpose-filled, directed towards the very things that glorify God and His mission...)

We rearrange our work schedules to best of our ability to be home more. We make lunch plans with our spouses and newborns. We disciple in the dining room so our 6 year can witness, partake and be loved on in the process. We scratch another volunteer opportunity off the list and instead simply sit on our porch and catch a few words with the neighbors walking by.

I don't care what it is practically, that's for you to discern but we both know if you could, if time and space and money allowed...you would do something different.

There it is: What would you do different with your family time and family energy - your family mission - if you could do anything at all? 

2. Let's put some parameters on Quality and Quantity so we know when we're being work-a-holics or simply surviving. So we can discern apathy and indifference from peace and patience.

Actually, let's not. At least not right now and not in detail. Once we attach specific acts to Quality and hours to Quantity we begin the journey into the legalities of such concepts instead of the freedoms intended.

So for conversations sake since I have a personal word quota I'm shooting for here, let's just say that in order for you and your family to truly define these and live them out well you've got to be willing to throw your personal goals, vision, dreams, calendar, and wallets on the table and redefine what is most important through the lens of Biblical familihood and eternity in light of the mission and message of Christ.

Simple right.

This isn't just a matter of reading through Ephesians 5 and doing a marital gut-check, though it might be that. Nor is it pouring over the qualities of Godly men and women found in the Pastoral Epistles though these are fantastic for every believer to do as each one of us ought to be leading/influencing others in some capacity.

No, this is a matter of sitting in the Gospel. Resting in the story of God. Pressing into and shaking together your actual life with the life of the man/woman truly chasing after Gods very heart.

Read the sermon on the mount in Matt 5 and then check out the 5 key attributes of life God sought from the Israelites in Deut. 10:12-13...and :14-22 for that matter.

Look. The idea is to wrestle with your heart, your sin, your current reality (which you simply might not be able to control in this season, but make it a season if at all possible, don't make it a lifestyle). Yes, it's a loose concept and will vary from family to family depending on your gift mix, culture, desires, the Lords desires, opportunities and the like. Though it's a generic conversation of Q/Q - it's pertinent, it's vital and it may be the difference between a healthy marriage, a mending marriage, and no marriage at all. A healthy daughter or a daughter seeking 'quality' elsewhere. A healthy son, or a son without confidence but a dad who certainly can be engaged once a week in that scheduled sabbaths moment of need.

I hope you're offended in someway, I hope you feel as though you're falling short as I have. Of course only with the hope that you reevaluate and discern Q/Q with the abounding love and wisdom of the Father. That you grow in knowledge of Him and His desires for you and your family and friends and neighbors and disciples. That you might 'discern what is best and may be pure and blameless' in your lives (Philippians 1).

If it means downsizing your home so mom can be with the kids more often, or that you might tag team the work schedule in fresh ways then just do it, you won't regret not having that extra living room or tv or whatever thing it might be.

If it means opening up your life for the first time to a trustworthy local Body of believers in order that your kids might not be alone as much while you work to put food on the table, then please seek that out now.

Get creative. Define well.

I'll be honest, I did not intend to evaluate the Quantity/Quality paradigm in my life. It was thrust upon me in recent months. For the first time in years I have gotten to witness the 10am meltdown my daughter has as she pleads her near-death pleas for a snack - never saw that on daddies perfect day home because I was too busy coddling her and sneaking her treats. And I'll be honest, when she did meltdown, I had no patience for it on my only day home.

I have gotten to sit quietly with my son. Both of us in the same room simply reading to ourselves without vying for one another's affections. Just being. Sharing in His affections silently and without regret.

I have eaten more meals with my family, changed more diapers, told more stories about the wild reality of God in History and in our lives, and gone to bed at the same time as my awesome wife...than ever before.

I yet disciple several young men, I disciple my son, I am a student wrapping up a degree, I am a part time worker, my wife is a part time worker, we throw parties, visit family, connect with friends, huddle (probably not what you think), cuddle (probably what you think), blog, write kids books, work on my house and my car, and longboard. I wouldn't say apathy is the name of my game. But neither is  careerism.

Re-discern your definition of Quality & Quantity.

Quality OR Quantity...You Choose

What if it didn't have to be a choice? What if it weren't Quality over Quantity?

Let me narrow the context a bit. Family. What if time with your family weren't straddling the line between Qualitative and Quantitative? What if being a family on mission together weren't simply a programmed event for small group nights or once a year service projects with the Church raking leaves and digging ditches...

The Sabbath doesn't exist as an excuse to spend one day of the week with your wife and your children and maybe your close friends and disciples (unless they're off limits on your day of rest as well...). This day wasn't commanded and gifted as an excuse to pack out the other 6 days to the hilt with actual ministry and kingdom building away from them.

When we view life and ministry this way (either vocational ministry or volunteer) we unnecessarily live in a Quantity/Quality paradigm. In this world we give our families limited time and in that time we exhaust ourselves by giving them every spare minute of that day both at home and with Quality special events while your home. You miss out on the normal flow of your kids moods, attention spans, schedule because you're cramming them into your day off. You miss out on a regular rhythm with your wife because you're both focused on having one really good day together with and for the kids.

I know we're single parents and work a ton just to stay alive. I know we have busy seasons at school, at work, in our personal lives. I know there are plenty of exceptions and let's be honest, most of them are attributed to our brokenness: divorce, greed, lust for more, dissatisfaction, proving ourselves, feeling valuable, false sense of peace and satisfaction, consumer culture, misunderstanding of the nature of the Body of Christ etc. Some of these things will carry effects that may not free us in this lifetime to truly wrestle with Quality/Quantity, our lot is cast. But let's not let that define a healthy paradigm for everyone who is able to model and impact the coming generations of the Church, our kids!

You and I have the ability to define Quantity and Quality time with our framilies (thanks Sprint). We can create a lifestyle that actually assumes that Gods directives in Deut. 6 were/are true and real and still effectual. That what Paul coaches Titus in regarding the older generations teaching the younger (Titus 2) that these things are daily, that they are true, that they happen in the course of life in real time, not in programs and explosive moments.

We can say that Quality time with our family looks like both the special meals, trips to the zoo and yearly vacations as well as having dinner with our family nightly. That Quantity isn't simply one single 24/hr. period in our week but is spread about with normal moments of reading the paper while our kids play, putting them down for naps, hanging out with our disciples over coffee and orange juice and neighborhood bbq's and outreach together on mission as a family.

Maybe as Bob Goff recommends, just do away with your minute by minute scheduling and make yourself available. Just be available and be available both for and with your families.

Why not do more life (ministry) out of your house? Why separate ministry and life or worse, define them inappropriately one-sided? Why not be home and share your home (family, friends, couches and food) with more people alongside your wife? Why not let your kids see how you function daily, weaknesses and strengths and struggles instead of putting on a mediocre show once a week for them. Why not love your spouse by running the race with her/him instead of practically living as single parents, bachelors and the like 6 days a week. Is that what it means to sacrifice for the Kingdom?

Why does it have to be one or the other? I understand that for those who don't know Christ there is no tomorrow should they not wake up and this is cause for movement. I understand that we're called to make disciples and that this call is with power and might and action oriented. That the time for disciplemaking is now and not later. But He is in control of that right?

But I also understand that you and I have chosen marriage and families and so must honor these relationships not just in theological theory but in practical affection. I understand that a family on mission will display the very love of God that Christ promises as the Church is truly united one framily at a time. Are non-Christians truly clamoring to get involved in the church in order that they might get really, really busy and burned out? Probably not. But no matter how much doubt, pain and dysfunction might surround you in your neighborhood, a loving and inviting framily actually doing life in Christ together will be much more inviting than, well than that Easter concert you're spending all your evenings on, even that really sweet small group your leading.

I know culture moves fast and entrepreneurship is praised and prized. I know everyone is always connected. I know our comments move at lightening speed and technology is bolstering our connectedness...I know.

I know that speed, that quick decisions, that lots of money, that big enterprises, aggressive leadership (but humble...), that pop culture, that consumerism, that short attention spans...that all of these things are culturally sought after both in and outside of the church.

But what if.

It isn't Quality over Quantity. It's both. It's Qualantity...It's both on purpose and with purpose. And it's so good.

Cult of the Contemporary

'History has a wonderful way of freeing us from the cult of the contemporary.' - Richard J. Foster

He goes on to remind us that, 'we are not the only ones [saints, Christians, disciples] who have sought to live in faithful conformity to His Word.' How refreshing.

As I sit at my dining room table, curtains drawn, glare from the snow outside brightening the gray walls, with this quote in mind I am incredibly small. There are three large church buildings, each of them at least 100 years old within view from my home. I am not the first believer to seek communion with Creator God. Nor am I the first to seek true conformity to His divine Word (Christ).

I am neither the first nor the last.
I am neither the most faithful nor the least.
I have not fully realized the Spirits giftings within and about me.
I understand some key aspects of the heart of Christ, yet continue to grasp for more.
I am unknown by most in this town yet entirely known by Christ.

There is nothing new under the sun and I am not ushering it in either (thanks King Soly).

The contemporary is a wonderful thing. By contemporary I simply mean that the Church is yet active and alive and moving here and now in honor and glory to God. Yet in these contemporary movements it's easy for me to forget that millions of faithful men and women have gone before seeking. They've come finding. They've come and gone having been reconciled to their Creator and so fostered space for others to be reconciled as well - in both deserts and cathedrals.

It's easy to forget that how we are currently experiencing the contemporary church is not the end of all experiences and expressions.

Paul reminds Titus to hold fast to the Message that was uttered In The Beginning, the same One that he heard upon the Beginning of his own New Birth into Kingdom life. Paul continued to lay out character traits of both the leaders of and the members of the Body of Christ without necessarily prescribing how the Church was to gather (though where he did get close in his letter to the Corinthians out gatherings today probably display little resemblance...)

Can we free ourselves from the 'cult of the contemporary' without picking up the burdens of ancient and useless traditions?

It's refreshing to realize how little my role is in the Kingdom on a universal scale, and meanwhile discern how large it is on an eternal scale. Both views surpass whatever contemporary movement is taking place.

Read Fosters Freedom of Simplicity and Paul's Letter to Titus.

5 Responses

When I hear a coach, specialist, guru, entrepreneur, leader or pastor I admire offer ways of evaluating beliefs, values, motivation, risk and the like - I tend to respond in one of the following ways and I assume you do as well:

1. That's What I'm Sayin': I fall in agreement as though they beautifully stated how I feel/think about the issue at hand and can now confidently move forward as one supported and sent. Besides, I was already thinking it.
2. I Didn't Need to Hear That: I find myself challenged beyond my comfort zone, understanding or even belief system and so delete, toss out, burn and if necessary defecate on the leaders disagreeable and most likely blasphemous article.
3. I'm All Set, Thanks: These are great thoughts on the topic, I might even recommend them to a friend or two, but I'm good to go. I'm patiently running my race, values in place, vision on hand and need no new encouragement, information or guidance. Thanks.
4. Where Am I: While I don't have a plan, goal, vision or set of values already guiding me on said topic, and while what the specialist is saying challenges me to nearly rethink my current status and trajectory I'll just wait this one out. One of these days I'll write my own article inspiring millions and millions of...what was I saying?
5. Now That's Good: This is a relatively new way of viewing the issue. I need to explore this a bit. I need to see what Scripture says on the issue and how it works into my context of life if at all. This is a timely personal challenge.

As I was listening to a recent TED Talk about changing leadership principles in our culture I took note of the changes of my own response as the speaker continued on. I went from incredulity (#2), as if her 25 years of experiential knowledge and worldwide investigation were worthless - only to find myself traveling onward to #4. Not landing there I continued tracking with her revelation a bit and so on to #3. Now realizing that we have some thoughts in common (she must be intelligent after all) I moved to #1 where I attempted (quite arrogantly I suppose) to land.

The talk ended. I was left with my thoughts on her thoughts. Now realizing that I really didn't have a coherent series of thoughts of my own on the topic leaving me to admit that this new teaching was actually refreshing and enlightening in my current situation, thus propelling me on #5.

While you may not traverse through each in one sitting you will most likely land on one of these general emoti-thoughts.

The Question I Asked Myself Was, am I landing on the one that appropriately challenges my current disposition OR am I simply responding robotically?

How Jesus' "Kingdom-Divided" Parable Challenges Disciples to be Holistically on-Mission

If you've read Mark 3:20-29 then you're familiar with this parable, if not confused by it a bit.

Jesus' opponents claimed that His power and work was evil at it's core. That Jesus Himself were being manipulated by a demon, Satan to be direct. Interesting thought I guess.

Jesus goes on to paint a picture of the consequences of division on every level, in every space...and reasonably speaking, if even a demon were divided against itself and its cohorts on every level then it's safe to safe that it would not be fruitful on any level.

Jesus doesn't end with this picture. He goes on to make two points:

1. He isn't possessed by evil, in fact, His strength over all evil, pain and suffering is a sign of One Stronger than Satan himself. The Son of God to speak candidly.
2. To claim the Holy One is actually rooted in evil and His divine work an overflow of evil...brings with it dangerous eternal consequences - separation from that very Holy God.

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But I'm not talking about either of those points directly. In fact, I want to go back the image of the divided kingdom and lean into it's ramifications in our own lives as followers of Christ.

Sure the parable is not intended to be dissected and sorted out for my own gain...so I won't claim this is what Jesus had intended this particular parable to communicate. I will, however, use it as a launchpad for evaluating our own lives.

If you've followed this blog for any length of time you heard me talk about 'Spaces: public, social, personal, intimate' and how each one of us lives within each of these spaces. In fact, a healthy disciple experiences each of these spaces regularly.

SO what about this parable? Let's break it down in reverse and simultaneously evaluate our own context:

'Jesus called them over and responded with an illustration...

'And if Satan is divided and fights against himself, how can he stand?' Have you ever wrestled with your purpose? Spiritual gifts and how to use them? How to lead your family? Your own value in particularly challenging seasons?

Have you ever felt a lack of peace about a particular area of life...or your current life as a whole for that matter? How easy is it to move forward, to gain traction, to be clear-minded and self-controlled in order to stand up against temptation, doubt, attack, sin? To live a divided life for any length of time guarantees destruction both slowly and eventually cataclysmically.

We know that a man who stands firm in Truth, in the Word, is one who stands the test of time. How incredibly important it is to be a man/woman at peace in transformation into Christlikeness, not without questions, but confident that we are guided by the Spirit and so personally engaged in being a disciple of Christ, while making disciples who will do the same.

If we're personally divided, how can we prosper with our families?

'Similarly, a family splintered by feuding will fall apart.' Catch that? Pretty self-explanatory right. A husband and wife who argue as if it the very sustenance of life will not hold up for long, in fact are already falling. A couple divided in purpose, mission, value and simple but profound love for one another and the Church cannot stand, at least not with an unshakable strength, a strength that will prosper the Kingdom.

Several years ago I recall changing how the small group leaders of my church were going to receive discussion content for their weekly gatherings. I can't forget responding to a phone call from one of our leaders. She had heard of the changes and in a state of panic pleaded with me not to change our methods. Her reasoning? This change was going to upset her husbands (one of our smallgroup leaders) calm and quiet relaxation space, their home. This change was so monumental (printing off their own handouts) that she was scared of her husbands response and it's impact on his 'serene' space, the family space.

Are you tip-toeing around one another? Are your kids the brunt of that frustration? Or are they the first fruits of your disciplmaking? If you're married are you leading your wife or encouraging your husband?

If you aren't engaged with Jesus personally you probably aren't as a family. If you aren't engaging Jesus together as a family then you're prone to feuding and open to be severely weathered by storms.

'A kingdom divided by civil war will collapse.' Let's be honest, if we aren't maturing in Christ individually. If we aren't on mission as a family. How on earth are we going to serve the Kingdom and expand the family of God here and now?

If we aren't growing in the intimate areas of our lives. If we're weak in the personal and social spaces. The largest space has not foundation, there are no building blocks for it to stand on.

A forgiven and healing heart, mind and ultimately soul is one that is ripe for maturing in Christ. A willing heart leads his/her family.They serve, sacrifice, proclaim Truth with grace and model it. A growing disciple reaches beyond themselves to pour into others - disciplemaking. A body of disciplemakers is a healthy, growing, expanding Kingdom - the very Kingdom Jesus invited us into and so handed us the keys to.

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It's quite simple isn't it? A divided kingdom on any level falls apart and if not remedied in the intimate space will most assuredly over time wither and collapse.

Jesus is right of course. That even Satan divided amongst himself would not stand. How much more the body of Christ if we ignore His power of transformation in every aspect of our lives. Christ is the one who can defeat the strength of the evil one - let's let Him lead the way and so follow.

Power of Self...And My Two-Year-Old

I've had the unexpected privilege over the past several weeks of spending my days at home with my beautiful two year old daughter.  Incredible.

Cuddling, laughing, reading, playing, disciplining, overwhelming, exhausting, training, teaching, praying...there is no area of life off limits to her.  She is all consuming!  During this time I've witnessed her begin to thoroughly tap into her inner inability to share, restrain and simply exude kindness around every turn.  She's unlocked the power of self.

Interesting isn't it?  There are untold numbers of books published on unlocking our self-will, self-power, self-realization...and my two year old discovered it naturally and adapted quite quickly.  Yet, it's this very self-powerization that has simultaneously unlocked the ugly: whining, disobedience and all the belly-sliding-across-the-coffee-table-tantrums self-power affords.

To be honest I think she's been a bit selfish since the day she was born.  Needing food.  Needing changed.  Needing bathed.  Needing cuddled.  Needing clothed.  Needing loved. Needing, needing, needing!  And now a whole new area of needing has been unlocked:  her toys, her plug (pacifier), her snack, her space, her show, her story, her daddy, her mommy...

I love her.  If you have kids you understand that taking-part-in-creation-sort-of-love.

I'm not sure we need help discovering our inner will, unlocking our inner power, our hidden-strength.  It appears to be quite natural to want to reach out and grab what's 'mine.'

No, she's got that down.

It seems that my divine role is to steer that very realized power.  To shape and clarify for her the very purpose of her abilities, her awareness, her desires.  It's my role to train her to both harness self-control in order to enjoy her strengths, and realize that actual power is first of all external, it's a gift, it's the Spirit of the Living and Active God who endows, fills, realizes, powerizes.

That her very breath was from the start His.  That it's the Pneuma who sustains her heartbeat now.

Nah, she doesn't need anyone telling her how to unlock her inner-self...she's got that down and honestly it's naturally self-centered.  If you know a two year old you know what I mean, OR better yet if you know a 32 year old who continues to act on the power of the inner self without restraint you know just how absurd that inner compass really is.

Yet there's so much beauty as well right?  She's absolutely adorable, she growls like a monster, throws her hair back, laughs at random, draws us into her world and shares what brings her joy...so how does this parallel reality factor into that other ugly inner power?

I have an incomplete thought...

Self(ishness) tends to be about absorbing, about taking more and more from others for personal gain.

True Beauty on the other hand, while inherent in who she is as an image bearer of God, is an immediate display of all that is selfless.  I wonder if it works a bit like this; the beauty my little lady offers benefits me and those who witness it.  Her sweetness, laughter and intelligence cause me to delight in her and her Maker as I realize her blessing upon us.  Her beauty in all it's facets offer those around her something to delight in and thus fosters more beauty: laughter, smiles, joy.  While her selfish nature causes those around her to close up, step away, tune-out...

Scripture both teaches and demonstrates this personal, familial, social beauty in action through healthy 'one another' living.  A community that supports, cares for, prays for, equips, shares, disciplines = loves, those around them.  And this is all powered by the eternal/external Holy Spirit who when invited into our lives enters in and transforms.

Beauty is mysterious.  But it's a divine mystery sourced in the Creator.  Beauty offers something other, something more, something for us all, something to lean into.

Self is also mysterious.  It's also a divine mystery sourced in the Creator, yet tends to be realized on our strength, smarts and inner person hood.  It tends to either force people in or out.  It's divine mystery dissipates and is swallowed up by the mere physical, lustful and sensational.

Regardless the people group, social structure or belief system around the world it appears that at some point every group notes that the individuals self-power, selfishness, self-desires might actually do more harm than good and so ought to be suppressed.

On the other hand, every group, culture, people, system will acknowledge, invite into and celebrate the one who controls the self, offers more to life, invites others in to experience joy and beauty and simply share in all seems right.

Maybe it's true, that every good gift truly is from the Lord, an overflow of His being.  That beauty is all around us, in many forms and ultimately unites.  That true self-realization involves releasing what we think we know, what we desire in our guts, to the very God who gives desire, to the Spirit who fills to His fullness those who seek His reality.

An incomplete thought...not a treatise, not a defining document...a thought.  We know the sweetness of true beauty because we also know bitterness.  Others know a soured life because they've tasted that sweetness.  However you see it, there are very real, very sourced powers at work.

Oh, and if you're able, I'd recommend spending a couple months at home with your kids and witness a microcosm of Gods universe at work.

Discipling a Kindergartner

The moment my wife broke the news that I was a father-to-be I immediately started pondering ways I might communicate the truth of the God of the universe to that little creature growing in her belly.  Income, shelter, clothing, college-fund, retirement...none of these entered my mind in that season.  I wanted to find the special sauce to the spiritual development of my little dude.

Now, five years later, I've discovered, created and chosen a few key practices that my wife and I enjoy utilizing as we disciple our children.  I make no effectual promises as to the long term fruit of these practices...I mean, he's only five at this point!  Here are a few:

• Story/History:  We read, tell and invent so many stories that sharing another Bible 'story' allowed for no 'set-apartness' in his little mind.  Instead we began sharing the 'history' of Gods works, people and movements.  We note our past, our ancient family lineage, the histories associated with the Creator through Christ.
• The Bible Says:  I've nothing against this phrase in and of itself.  The Word is living and active, it breathes Truth, fosters wisdom and develops healthy discernment.  While my children will begin to understand the value and worth of Scripture over time, I much prefer to say 'Jesus said,' 'Paul said in his letter,' 'the Prophets taught,' - the Bible says a lot of things, but to my kids it's another book on the shelf.  I'd much rather him envision God proclaiming these truths and not simply another book on his shelf.
• Modern Parables:  As Jesus promised in Johns Gospel we know that the Spirit will offer remembrance and understanding as it comes to Him and His life and teachings.  That said, as it pertains to Jesus' method I like to point out aspects of nature, social interaction, household work-projects etc. as elements for modern parables to teach Truth.  Sure we're always reading and discussing Scripture - yet making it personal in the moment regularly provides immediate context for crazy questions and revelations.

My son regularly asks for 'God Stories.'  He's aware that God has moved and is moving and wonders what He's up to both in the past as well as the present and so on the walk to school, in a car ride to Target, sitting in a hot tub on vacation he's always prodding for more.

What do you do that fosters a healthy discipling of your kids?  How are you creating an environment that fosters a regular interest in the Gods work through time and space?

Of course my kids are young.  They will rebel, stumble, turn away, grow, mature and hear and know the truth of Christ.  That said, while I proclaim no magic pill in discipling my kids, success is not going to be in the distant outcome but is current through the intentionality of walking Deuteronomy 6:4-9'style with my chillin's.

Enjoy the road.  Share your practices, techniques, tools and joys with one another, it's a long, tumultuous and ultimately joyful parenting journey.