Quality OR Quantity 2

I appreciate the tension the topic of Quality/Quantity brings with it.

Each one of us will process with our own immediate context to filter the concepts of Q/Q through, and for many of us this stirs up frustration and the like. We assume that only a dreamer can have it both ways, an idealist out of touch with reality (Gwyneth P. syndrome I suppose). That the author is unaware of what he is really saying. I am a fool, that I can testify to and yet I believe this is a conversation worth processing.

Let's do two things to help make this idea of living on mission with your framily (not the Sprint plan), through the lens of Quality/Quantity, more palatable.

1. Let's put some spiritually set-apart meat on this (awkward phrase but you can roll with it). In the last post we noted Deuteronomy 6:4-9. Read it again and highlight the key spaces God decrees (:1) that we walk in with our families (both immediate and extended as we move into the greater family plan according the Jesus and His Church).

He highlights this call to 'Love the Lord your God' repeatedly (7:12, 8:6, 10:12-22, 11:1-32 etc).

Not only does he cover every moment of the day (Quantity) but the LORD notes that this time is spent enjoying Him with those dearest to us (Quality).

We see this graphically displayed in the NT in both Acts 2 & 4. I know, I know, I know...this 2014 and that type of giving and receiving and sharing in life together is nonsense here in the Western world you and I thrive in. But what if the principle is the same even if the physical isn't?

What if the principle of sharing in life together in such overwhelming ways is the same? I spend time with your kids when you're at work because we're family. You spend time with my wife (ahem, ladies) when I'm gone in order to share in the journey of life. That we walk together at sun-up. We share stories of Jesus in passing and in sitting. Over coffee and in the moment we regard both Quantity and Quality as equal infusers in our lives on mission (and by the way, on mission is simply another way of saying intentionally, purpose-filled, directed towards the very things that glorify God and His mission...)

We rearrange our work schedules to best of our ability to be home more. We make lunch plans with our spouses and newborns. We disciple in the dining room so our 6 year can witness, partake and be loved on in the process. We scratch another volunteer opportunity off the list and instead simply sit on our porch and catch a few words with the neighbors walking by.

I don't care what it is practically, that's for you to discern but we both know if you could, if time and space and money allowed...you would do something different.

There it is: What would you do different with your family time and family energy - your family mission - if you could do anything at all? 

2. Let's put some parameters on Quality and Quantity so we know when we're being work-a-holics or simply surviving. So we can discern apathy and indifference from peace and patience.

Actually, let's not. At least not right now and not in detail. Once we attach specific acts to Quality and hours to Quantity we begin the journey into the legalities of such concepts instead of the freedoms intended.

So for conversations sake since I have a personal word quota I'm shooting for here, let's just say that in order for you and your family to truly define these and live them out well you've got to be willing to throw your personal goals, vision, dreams, calendar, and wallets on the table and redefine what is most important through the lens of Biblical familihood and eternity in light of the mission and message of Christ.

Simple right.

This isn't just a matter of reading through Ephesians 5 and doing a marital gut-check, though it might be that. Nor is it pouring over the qualities of Godly men and women found in the Pastoral Epistles though these are fantastic for every believer to do as each one of us ought to be leading/influencing others in some capacity.

No, this is a matter of sitting in the Gospel. Resting in the story of God. Pressing into and shaking together your actual life with the life of the man/woman truly chasing after Gods very heart.

Read the sermon on the mount in Matt 5 and then check out the 5 key attributes of life God sought from the Israelites in Deut. 10:12-13...and :14-22 for that matter.

Look. The idea is to wrestle with your heart, your sin, your current reality (which you simply might not be able to control in this season, but make it a season if at all possible, don't make it a lifestyle). Yes, it's a loose concept and will vary from family to family depending on your gift mix, culture, desires, the Lords desires, opportunities and the like. Though it's a generic conversation of Q/Q - it's pertinent, it's vital and it may be the difference between a healthy marriage, a mending marriage, and no marriage at all. A healthy daughter or a daughter seeking 'quality' elsewhere. A healthy son, or a son without confidence but a dad who certainly can be engaged once a week in that scheduled sabbaths moment of need.

I hope you're offended in someway, I hope you feel as though you're falling short as I have. Of course only with the hope that you reevaluate and discern Q/Q with the abounding love and wisdom of the Father. That you grow in knowledge of Him and His desires for you and your family and friends and neighbors and disciples. That you might 'discern what is best and may be pure and blameless' in your lives (Philippians 1).

If it means downsizing your home so mom can be with the kids more often, or that you might tag team the work schedule in fresh ways then just do it, you won't regret not having that extra living room or tv or whatever thing it might be.

If it means opening up your life for the first time to a trustworthy local Body of believers in order that your kids might not be alone as much while you work to put food on the table, then please seek that out now.

Get creative. Define well.

I'll be honest, I did not intend to evaluate the Quantity/Quality paradigm in my life. It was thrust upon me in recent months. For the first time in years I have gotten to witness the 10am meltdown my daughter has as she pleads her near-death pleas for a snack - never saw that on daddies perfect day home because I was too busy coddling her and sneaking her treats. And I'll be honest, when she did meltdown, I had no patience for it on my only day home.

I have gotten to sit quietly with my son. Both of us in the same room simply reading to ourselves without vying for one another's affections. Just being. Sharing in His affections silently and without regret.

I have eaten more meals with my family, changed more diapers, told more stories about the wild reality of God in History and in our lives, and gone to bed at the same time as my awesome wife...than ever before.

I yet disciple several young men, I disciple my son, I am a student wrapping up a degree, I am a part time worker, my wife is a part time worker, we throw parties, visit family, connect with friends, huddle (probably not what you think), cuddle (probably what you think), blog, write kids books, work on my house and my car, and longboard. I wouldn't say apathy is the name of my game. But neither is  careerism.

Re-discern your definition of Quality & Quantity.

Quality OR Quantity...You Choose

What if it didn't have to be a choice? What if it weren't Quality over Quantity?

Let me narrow the context a bit. Family. What if time with your family weren't straddling the line between Qualitative and Quantitative? What if being a family on mission together weren't simply a programmed event for small group nights or once a year service projects with the Church raking leaves and digging ditches...

The Sabbath doesn't exist as an excuse to spend one day of the week with your wife and your children and maybe your close friends and disciples (unless they're off limits on your day of rest as well...). This day wasn't commanded and gifted as an excuse to pack out the other 6 days to the hilt with actual ministry and kingdom building away from them.

When we view life and ministry this way (either vocational ministry or volunteer) we unnecessarily live in a Quantity/Quality paradigm. In this world we give our families limited time and in that time we exhaust ourselves by giving them every spare minute of that day both at home and with Quality special events while your home. You miss out on the normal flow of your kids moods, attention spans, schedule because you're cramming them into your day off. You miss out on a regular rhythm with your wife because you're both focused on having one really good day together with and for the kids.

I know we're single parents and work a ton just to stay alive. I know we have busy seasons at school, at work, in our personal lives. I know there are plenty of exceptions and let's be honest, most of them are attributed to our brokenness: divorce, greed, lust for more, dissatisfaction, proving ourselves, feeling valuable, false sense of peace and satisfaction, consumer culture, misunderstanding of the nature of the Body of Christ etc. Some of these things will carry effects that may not free us in this lifetime to truly wrestle with Quality/Quantity, our lot is cast. But let's not let that define a healthy paradigm for everyone who is able to model and impact the coming generations of the Church, our kids!

You and I have the ability to define Quantity and Quality time with our framilies (thanks Sprint). We can create a lifestyle that actually assumes that Gods directives in Deut. 6 were/are true and real and still effectual. That what Paul coaches Titus in regarding the older generations teaching the younger (Titus 2) that these things are daily, that they are true, that they happen in the course of life in real time, not in programs and explosive moments.

We can say that Quality time with our family looks like both the special meals, trips to the zoo and yearly vacations as well as having dinner with our family nightly. That Quantity isn't simply one single 24/hr. period in our week but is spread about with normal moments of reading the paper while our kids play, putting them down for naps, hanging out with our disciples over coffee and orange juice and neighborhood bbq's and outreach together on mission as a family.

Maybe as Bob Goff recommends, just do away with your minute by minute scheduling and make yourself available. Just be available and be available both for and with your families.

Why not do more life (ministry) out of your house? Why separate ministry and life or worse, define them inappropriately one-sided? Why not be home and share your home (family, friends, couches and food) with more people alongside your wife? Why not let your kids see how you function daily, weaknesses and strengths and struggles instead of putting on a mediocre show once a week for them. Why not love your spouse by running the race with her/him instead of practically living as single parents, bachelors and the like 6 days a week. Is that what it means to sacrifice for the Kingdom?

Why does it have to be one or the other? I understand that for those who don't know Christ there is no tomorrow should they not wake up and this is cause for movement. I understand that we're called to make disciples and that this call is with power and might and action oriented. That the time for disciplemaking is now and not later. But He is in control of that right?

But I also understand that you and I have chosen marriage and families and so must honor these relationships not just in theological theory but in practical affection. I understand that a family on mission will display the very love of God that Christ promises as the Church is truly united one framily at a time. Are non-Christians truly clamoring to get involved in the church in order that they might get really, really busy and burned out? Probably not. But no matter how much doubt, pain and dysfunction might surround you in your neighborhood, a loving and inviting framily actually doing life in Christ together will be much more inviting than, well than that Easter concert you're spending all your evenings on, even that really sweet small group your leading.

I know culture moves fast and entrepreneurship is praised and prized. I know everyone is always connected. I know our comments move at lightening speed and technology is bolstering our connectedness...I know.

I know that speed, that quick decisions, that lots of money, that big enterprises, aggressive leadership (but humble...), that pop culture, that consumerism, that short attention spans...that all of these things are culturally sought after both in and outside of the church.

But what if.

It isn't Quality over Quantity. It's both. It's Qualantity...It's both on purpose and with purpose. And it's so good.

Cult of the Contemporary

'History has a wonderful way of freeing us from the cult of the contemporary.' - Richard J. Foster

He goes on to remind us that, 'we are not the only ones [saints, Christians, disciples] who have sought to live in faithful conformity to His Word.' How refreshing.

As I sit at my dining room table, curtains drawn, glare from the snow outside brightening the gray walls, with this quote in mind I am incredibly small. There are three large church buildings, each of them at least 100 years old within view from my home. I am not the first believer to seek communion with Creator God. Nor am I the first to seek true conformity to His divine Word (Christ).

I am neither the first nor the last.
I am neither the most faithful nor the least.
I have not fully realized the Spirits giftings within and about me.
I understand some key aspects of the heart of Christ, yet continue to grasp for more.
I am unknown by most in this town yet entirely known by Christ.

There is nothing new under the sun and I am not ushering it in either (thanks King Soly).

The contemporary is a wonderful thing. By contemporary I simply mean that the Church is yet active and alive and moving here and now in honor and glory to God. Yet in these contemporary movements it's easy for me to forget that millions of faithful men and women have gone before seeking. They've come finding. They've come and gone having been reconciled to their Creator and so fostered space for others to be reconciled as well - in both deserts and cathedrals.

It's easy to forget that how we are currently experiencing the contemporary church is not the end of all experiences and expressions.

Paul reminds Titus to hold fast to the Message that was uttered In The Beginning, the same One that he heard upon the Beginning of his own New Birth into Kingdom life. Paul continued to lay out character traits of both the leaders of and the members of the Body of Christ without necessarily prescribing how the Church was to gather (though where he did get close in his letter to the Corinthians out gatherings today probably display little resemblance...)

Can we free ourselves from the 'cult of the contemporary' without picking up the burdens of ancient and useless traditions?

It's refreshing to realize how little my role is in the Kingdom on a universal scale, and meanwhile discern how large it is on an eternal scale. Both views surpass whatever contemporary movement is taking place.

Read Fosters Freedom of Simplicity and Paul's Letter to Titus.