Each one of us will process with our own immediate context to filter the concepts of Q/Q through, and for many of us this stirs up frustration and the like. We assume that only a dreamer can have it both ways, an idealist out of touch with reality (Gwyneth P. syndrome I suppose). That the author is unaware of what he is really saying. I am a fool, that I can testify to and yet I believe this is a conversation worth processing.
1. Let's put some spiritually set-apart meat on this (awkward phrase but you can roll with it). In the last post we noted Deuteronomy 6:4-9. Read it again and highlight the key spaces God decrees (:1) that we walk in with our families (both immediate and extended as we move into the greater family plan according the Jesus and His Church).
He highlights this call to 'Love the Lord your God' repeatedly (7:12, 8:6, 10:12-22, 11:1-32 etc).
Not only does he cover every moment of the day (Quantity) but the LORD notes that this time is spent enjoying Him with those dearest to us (Quality).
We see this graphically displayed in the NT in both Acts 2 & 4. I know, I know, I know...this 2014 and that type of giving and receiving and sharing in life together is nonsense here in the Western world you and I thrive in. But what if the principle is the same even if the physical isn't?
What if the principle of sharing in life together in such overwhelming ways is the same? I spend time with your kids when you're at work because we're family. You spend time with my wife (ahem, ladies) when I'm gone in order to share in the journey of life. That we walk together at sun-up. We share stories of Jesus in passing and in sitting. Over coffee and in the moment we regard both Quantity and Quality as equal infusers in our lives on mission (and by the way, on mission is simply another way of saying intentionally, purpose-filled, directed towards the very things that glorify God and His mission...)
We rearrange our work schedules to best of our ability to be home more. We make lunch plans with our spouses and newborns. We disciple in the dining room so our 6 year can witness, partake and be loved on in the process. We scratch another volunteer opportunity off the list and instead simply sit on our porch and catch a few words with the neighbors walking by.
I don't care what it is practically, that's for you to discern but we both know if you could, if time and space and money allowed...you would do something different.
There it is: What would you do different with your family time and family energy - your family mission - if you could do anything at all?
2. Let's put some parameters on Quality and Quantity so we know when we're being work-a-holics or simply surviving. So we can discern apathy and indifference from peace and patience.
Actually, let's not. At least not right now and not in detail. Once we attach specific acts to Quality and hours to Quantity we begin the journey into the legalities of such concepts instead of the freedoms intended.
So for conversations sake since I have a personal word quota I'm shooting for here, let's just say that in order for you and your family to truly define these and live them out well you've got to be willing to throw your personal goals, vision, dreams, calendar, and wallets on the table and redefine what is most important through the lens of Biblical familihood and eternity in light of the mission and message of Christ.
Simple right.
This isn't just a matter of reading through Ephesians 5 and doing a marital gut-check, though it might be that. Nor is it pouring over the qualities of Godly men and women found in the Pastoral Epistles though these are fantastic for every believer to do as each one of us ought to be leading/influencing others in some capacity.
No, this is a matter of sitting in the Gospel. Resting in the story of God. Pressing into and shaking together your actual life with the life of the man/woman truly chasing after Gods very heart.
Read the sermon on the mount in Matt 5 and then check out the 5 key attributes of life God sought from the Israelites in Deut. 10:12-13...and :14-22 for that matter.
Look. The idea is to wrestle with your heart, your sin, your current reality (which you simply might not be able to control in this season, but make it a season if at all possible, don't make it a lifestyle). Yes, it's a loose concept and will vary from family to family depending on your gift mix, culture, desires, the Lords desires, opportunities and the like. Though it's a generic conversation of Q/Q - it's pertinent, it's vital and it may be the difference between a healthy marriage, a mending marriage, and no marriage at all. A healthy daughter or a daughter seeking 'quality' elsewhere. A healthy son, or a son without confidence but a dad who certainly can be engaged once a week in that scheduled sabbaths moment of need.
I hope you're offended in someway, I hope you feel as though you're falling short as I have. Of course only with the hope that you reevaluate and discern Q/Q with the abounding love and wisdom of the Father. That you grow in knowledge of Him and His desires for you and your family and friends and neighbors and disciples. That you might 'discern what is best and may be pure and blameless' in your lives (Philippians 1).
If it means downsizing your home so mom can be with the kids more often, or that you might tag team the work schedule in fresh ways then just do it, you won't regret not having that extra living room or tv or whatever thing it might be.
If it means opening up your life for the first time to a trustworthy local Body of believers in order that your kids might not be alone as much while you work to put food on the table, then please seek that out now.
Get creative. Define well.
I'll be honest, I did not intend to evaluate the Quantity/Quality paradigm in my life. It was thrust upon me in recent months. For the first time in years I have gotten to witness the 10am meltdown my daughter has as she pleads her near-death pleas for a snack - never saw that on daddies perfect day home because I was too busy coddling her and sneaking her treats. And I'll be honest, when she did meltdown, I had no patience for it on my only day home.
I have gotten to sit quietly with my son. Both of us in the same room simply reading to ourselves without vying for one another's affections. Just being. Sharing in His affections silently and without regret.
I have eaten more meals with my family, changed more diapers, told more stories about the wild reality of God in History and in our lives, and gone to bed at the same time as my awesome wife...than ever before.
I yet disciple several young men, I disciple my son, I am a student wrapping up a degree, I am a part time worker, my wife is a part time worker, we throw parties, visit family, connect with friends, huddle (probably not what you think), cuddle (probably what you think), blog, write kids books, work on my house and my car, and longboard. I wouldn't say apathy is the name of my game. But neither is careerism.
Re-discern your definition of Quality & Quantity.