Processed Goodness (and all my subjective crap)

I remember trying to process 'goodness' as a teenager. Trying to define what it meant to be a good person and if I really wanted to be a good, kind, upright son and citizen.

I remember wrestling internally with those parts of me that wanted so desperately not to care about what good and evil meant. I remember wanting to be free to do as I pleased regardless the consequence, a subjective goodness I suppose. Yet I also recall wanting to be free from my careless selfish thoughts and actions. I fought internally to hold onto a definition of goodness as I understood it in my context without the knowledge of Christ.

'God's invisible qualities - his eternal power and divine nature - have been clearly seen...' - Paul noted this in Romans 1.

He goes on later to explain that the Law of God made sin apparent. The Law, in pointing out and defining some of the characteristics of God, His nature and His holy expectations, also pointed out sin and evil.

Even before I heard the Gospel story I was witness to it's power in all of creation (Romans 1). Having been made in God's image my spirit, my heart, soul and mind, longed for unity with a creator and yet also longed for selfish desires too, and were they different? The Law, by nature of God's presence in creation and obvious residue in all our aspects of American law, justice, love, peace, grace, truth, hurt, pain, equality, unity etc. - brought about a struggle within me that desired deeper connection with truth...while I was aware of truth thanks to Law and creation and culture, I wasn't yet able to define it.

'through Christ Jesus, the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death,' Paul goes on to say in Romans 8.

In being reconciled to my Creator, definable Truth brought about victory over my selfish desires, perfectly in an eternal sense and yet physically it remained in tension. The struggle has changed, I'm no longer confused about goodness and it's role in life, Truth demolishes absolute confusion (though maturing in Christ brings about clarity). Goodness is defined by Christ and victory comes physically, mentally, emotionally when I'm willingly obedient to Him, let me say again, eternally it never changes.

Wrestling with this stuff as a teen was crazy. Wrestling with this Truth as an adult in Christ is healthy. Truth is fact in Christ and conceptual in it's foundational principles in this culture. It illuminates and guides. It defines and causes one to question other 'truths.' It's universal and personal at the same time. Eternal and immediate, here and now.

Years later, I'm thankful that I can define goodness and sin. I am thankful I am not still foraging for definitions that sound, look and feel good in a particular moment in such an imperfect life. I'm free from the slavery of confusion and indecision and bound to unchanging truth.

'In the beginning was the Word...In him was life and that life was the light of men.' John 1:1,4

Wrestle with this stuff. Read John's story of Christ. See how the Spirit moved throughout the early church in Acts. Read Paul's letter to the Romans to wrestle alongside Paul with these concepts of goodness, evil, truth etc.

Jeff Bridges and Jesus...

Jeff Bridges explained to Jay Leno the other night that acting burns him out. After shooting a film he's always 'bushed' - ready to bunker down in seclusion to recoup. He noted that for him, acting uses some strange muscle that gets wrecked during the stretch of a movie.

Pretending is exhausting.

Pretending to be someone/thing you're not is exhausting.

Professional actors find contextually creative ways to be someone else. However, I wonder how many of us act, cover-up, pretend or simply lie about who we are on a regular basis?

Hiding the details about a surprise party for your wife is tiring but rewarding when it's over (unless she hates surprises).

Hiding the details about a financial loss, drug binge, character flaw, inappropriate relationship or even an unnecessary purchase can wreak havoc on our hearts, minds and physical health - ultimately our souls and the relationships we're tied to.

Lying is exhausting.

Maybe Jesus' yoke of eternal truth, living in the light and sharing in the freedom from the expectations that our culture, jobs and families place on us (directly or indirectly) truly is lighter than what we're currently acting out? Do your actions line up with your words - do your words line up with your beliefs - do your beliefs line up with Biblical Truth?

Bridges is bushed at the end of making a movie. At least he gets a break. Do you?

Passages in context: Matthew 11:28-30, 2 Corinthians 5:17

obedience = freedom

My first bass guitar was an early nineties Yamaha. I knew nothing about playing. I didn't know how to hold it, how to carry it, where to put my hands, if I should use a pick or my fingers or my thumb...absolutely nothing.

I was trapped. I had this fantastic new bass and a Peavey 110 pushing out a tinny-punk-bass-sound and yet I couldn't do anything but pretend.

Over a decade later, after lessons, self-teaching, writing music, playing in bands, a music institute, hundreds of live performances and practice, practice, practice...I'm free.

I'm free. I know the boundless boundaries. I understand chords, harmonics, scales, modes, techniques, rhythms, feelings...I don't know it all by any means...but I'm free to play what I desire. I'm especially free to learn.

My Obedience to teachers, books, guides, music theory, technique, practice, musicians I admire and self-discipline I am now Free to enjoy the heavenly creation of music.

Freedom is not whatever I want it to be. It's defined by the One who gives it.